Saturday, September 22, 2007

So, yeah...not the day I had in mind for sure...

I'm going to vent, so if you don't want to hear it, go somewhere else...seriously...

I'm tired. I'm spent. And, I can't stand the constant screams from Livvie because I have either left the room, or put her down, of just because she is crabby - which seems to be all day everyday, 24-7...

I'm sick of hearing Avery sing all day long. I'm tired of looking at my living room filled with toys EVERYWHERE, and I have 2 kids...neither of who pick up.

I'm sick of the fact that tomorrow is a Pot Blessing at our church, and I have to go shopping and make something up, when usually I don't cook at all...which, that's another thing I hate...why don't I like to cook? My husband would love it if I would make these meals for our family, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why I despise cooking...

I'm tired of having a husband who works evenings. Granted, he is home sometimes during the day (for which I am grateful), but I can't stand being home...alone...with my 2 children who I have cared for all-day-long...

Then, this husband of mine, tells me that he's going to be gone till after 8:30, 3 nights most weeks now for church stuff. SERIOUSLY? I think I'm going to vomit...

Not to mention that being married to a pastor, is like being married to your church, and hearing about church stuff, all day long. He can't leave his job at work, and it spills into our life all-the-time...

I love God, I love church, I love my husband...but why can't we just sit and talk about something stupid instead of church stuff?

I'm sick and tired of looking at my sink, and seeing the dirty dishes piled up. I could get to them, if I didn't have a child who cried when I left the living room every time. "Why don't you do them while she's taking a nap then" Why yes, sounds great. If I was a good mom and wife, I probably would. But no, when she decides to take her 30 minute naps, I usually either sleep with her, eat, go on the computer, or watch TV.

Then there is the laundry, and the hair that keeps falling out of my head that needs to be swept up in my bathroom, and the bottles that need to be washed, oh yeah...I have to pump too! sigh...

I'm so tired of walking into my bathroom after taking a refreshing shower, to fins it stunk up, because my 5 year old decided to take a poo and not flush...for hours...

So, basically, I am just tired. I don't need people to call me, God knows I don't need visitors, or people who want something from me (which seems to be often these days). I just want to be Jennisa...you know, the fun loving, spur of the moment, perky gal that my husband loves so much, and that I love to be.

My children ARE God's greatest gifts to me. I love them to the moon and back...But, that doesn't mean that sometimes these gifts seem like too much to handle, and that I would like to "re-gift" them....if just for a day.

Where is my mother, and why doesn't she live down the street? I need relief, and she's the only one (besides my hubby) who I trust fully, and completely with my children...

10 comments:

Amy said...

I hear you. Really...you've been heard and I think that we have to say these things sometimes. As much as we love our husbands and our children, I think it is okay to say that it can suck. It is so hard to get up and do it all over again each and every day. Just know that I think you are a great mom and I can relate! hugs... Amy

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Ashley said...

I have said it before, and I will say it again. My children and my husband mean everything to me but that doesn't mean I don't get sick of them. I get sick of ANYTHING I am around for long periods of time.

My 6 month old has decided to boycot sleeping at night. I really don't think I have slept since Tuesday. It's great to vent and I love reading people's blogs who are honest. There are too many blogs out there that make you think they have the perfect life and family and we all know that's not true! No one is perfect and no one loves everything about their life!

I hope it gets better for you! I completely understand what you're going through right now!

Carrie said...

Good for you for venting! I need to do some myself (don't worry, I won't do it on your blog), but I'm too tired to bother with it on mine tonight. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and feeling your pain. Most of the day I was going back and forth between feeling guilty for not being content and feeling like I deserve a break from my responsibilities. Doesn't it feel like EVERYONE else gets their needs met before we do? What good are we to our families if our "tanks are on empty" as I like to call it? A night out with a girlfriend, a quick hour at the coffee shop before bedtime routines begin....those things only bring my tank up to 1/4 - not NEARLY enough to get me through until the next time I feel overwhelmed.
This is an area I constantly struggle with - I know Amy has blogged about balancing our days and it always feels good to read how she finds peace. Isn't it wonderful that we aren't alone in this adventure? ((hugs))

Nana Dianne said...

Sorry honey that I don't live down the street. It makes me realize how very lucky I was having my parents close by when I had a young family. I would be there in a heartbeat if I could. Hang in there. We will be there in a few weeks for Liv's birthday. I cherish those weekends and that is all that gets me through the rough spots that I have here waiting for me. Remember I am the mother here for my own mother now! It never really goes away just shifts for awhile. I love you dear daughter!

Just Another Day In Paradise said...

Jenissa,
I SO understand what you are talking about. My husband does the youth group at church and it just feels like sometimes it never ends and you just think "what about your own family and what we need"

I even posted about venting about having bad days and then you feel guilty about venting! It's a vicious cycle. I think everyone goes through times like this- they do pass but you need to try really hard to find even 5 minutes to just do something for yourself.
Take care!
Cheri

Sarah said...

I love your candidness my friend. If we all haven't blogged about these thoughts, we've all had them for sure, so you are not alone. As many times as I'm sure you've heard this, you pastor's wife you, remember that ONLY God can give you the strength to make it through each moment, and not just make it through, but perhaps even thrive once in awhile. I find that on the days I'm dialoging with Him throughout the day, amazingly my perspective changes. But there are more days than I am proud to admidt that I shut Him out and wallow in the "woe is me's". Thanks for being so real and letting us look inside your frustration to be encouraged in our own. Love to you my friend! These young years can be tough, but some day, you will miss them so terribly, at least that's what everyone "seasoned" has told me. p.s. I find that planning my dinner's each week and making a shopping list accordingly takes the stress out of cooking for my family. It's wonderful to know what you're making each night and know that you have all you need to make it. I hate cooking any other way!

Carrie said...

Happy Birthday Liv!
How's the party planning going?

Dena said...

Dude - that sucks!!! I hate that for you - I wondered what it was like living with Broadway in the livin' room? You need a vaca - I KNOW what you are going to think but you HAVE to find someone you can trust with your children! YOU WILL LOSE YOUR S#*T if you don't!!! Livvie is in a STAGE - She WILL grow out of dat!

BIG BIG BIG KISSES!!!!!

Sue said...

Oh man - I think all us Moms can relate. Sometimes life just gobbles you up and you can't fight your way out. I don't blam you on the nap thing. When Alysa is naping and Kayla is "resting" I take "me" time. TV, computer, reading, napping or even bills, etc.

I hope you're feeling better now. Could Livvie be teething? There are times I feel the need to run screaming from my house to escape the crankiness!

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