Wednesday, June 13, 2007

venting...

I'm tired. Not so much that I need to sleep (that would be nice though), but just kind of feeling "tired" in life. I love my husband, love my girls, but today I just got the overwhelming feeling that I just wanted to escape. I want to be alone....all by myself, if only for a few hours. I have no idea what I would do, but that's the joy of it. Too bad I have some sort of phobia about leaving my children with babysitters and my husband works full time...sigh...
I find myself not wanting to clean, not wanting to wash clothes, play with the girls, and I even find it a chore to feed them. I don't want to work, I don't want to talk about princess stuff, I just don't want to be mommy...
I just want one day of "me" time. A totally selfish day where it's all about me, instead of being all about getting this or that for the girls. Is that so wrong? A day to either choose to be alone at home in my bed, or to go out shopping all alone with no set time when I had to be home.
So, there's my heart today. I'm no where near a perfect mom...in fact, I'm probably not that great of one at that. But, I am honest, and I just want a day of rest...is that so much to ask? :)

14 comments:

Carrie said...

I hear ya! After 5 days of traveling with two small children, my husband, my sister-in-law, and my in-laws I'm ready to take our van and just drive WHEREVER I WANT TO. No making sure it's what everyone else wants to do or thinking 10 steps ahead to make sure everything is packed for the kids.
Can you get out after the girls are in bed for an hour or so? I like to sneak away to a nearby coffee shop with a good book when I feel like you do.

Kimberly said...

Oh honey, you are a VERY good mommy! and no, it is not too much to ask for. I have just Landen (you already know that) and sometimes I feel exactly like this. If you were home, we would go shopping, get our nails and toes done, and do all sorts of fun non-mommy things! but in the end after the day away from our children, there's nothing beter than to see their smiling faces and their arms reaching out for us to pick them up. Don't feel bad about any of things, I'm the worst at cleaning, laundry, etc. Just ask Trav, he'll tell ya! Smile honey, I love ya!

Dena said...

Don't feel bad at all! You are a GREAT mommy - YES I can tell by all the pictures you take, all the smiles and the way you talk about those precious girls!
WHO doesn't want a minute, hour or WEEK all to themselves??? It's hard to be Wife, Mother, Housekeeper, cook, laundress all with a smile! It's just a day or a moment!!!! Have something to eat you never get to have and enjoy!!!!

HomeSchool Mommy said...

I just posted about this very thing today...well, I wanted to completely vent, but I was afraid my list would never stop...so, I didn't.

I am a VERY social person and I'm currently running an in-home daycare. I do coordinate weddings on Friday nights and all day Saturdays, but it's work...so, it doesn't really fill that social void I have. That leaves me with Sundays free....HA! They're not free, either...we have church, then all the errands we can't do throughout the week...

So...I started getting pretty depressed, I think...unknowingly. I let the house go...the laundry...the cooking, etc...then, I became even more depressed and stressed because the house was cluttered and I had nothing clean to wear, etc.

Anyway...my mom suggested we have a monthly girls-only breakfast..no kids. It's only once a month, but it's been lovely! I wish you lived here...we could go shopping or go get pedicures together! :)

Wow...I really droned on about MY problems, huh? Don't you hate when people do that? It's like we're trying to top you or something. I really just said it all to say--I understand. It doesn't make you a bad mother. A bad mother would be one who DIDN'T take care of herself and let herself continue to feel tired and stressed and overwhelmed. So, take some time for yourself!

Terri said...

There's nothing wrong with wanting some time all to yourself. Every once in a while, I'll go overnight scrapbooking with my sisters. We also go Christmas shopping in Nov. together. We spend the whole day shopping and then go to a hotel overnight. Not only do you feel refreshed but it really makes you miss your kids and honestly, revitalizes you and I think makes a better mom.

LeslieW. said...

I think taking time to ourselves is the only way to stay sane. Pr. 31 even talks about her servant girls...I don't think we were meant to do it all, especially not in the same season. In the season with toddlers, I think we have to let go and accept the fact that it's not going to all get done, the house is not going to be picked up and every meal is not going to be praiseworthy. God knows what you need, he will give it to you...just check out Avery's nap today! I do think we should pray about this babysitter fear. God did not give you a spirit of fear...I'll be prayin' and I hope he gives you some rest today.

Lisa said...

I think you are feeling just like every other mommy does from time to time. I have days when I have tons of stuff to do around the house, but I find myself just sitting watching tv or here! My recommendation is to take a bath tonight after the kiddos are in bed and bring a good book with you. Close the door and tell you hubbie to not bother you. I try to take a bath often. It really helps me relax and remember what is really important in my life.

Munchkin Land said...

I think this is perfectly normal; we all go through emotions like this!! I swear! And we're better moms when we take care of ourselves. Here's to hoping that you get a pedicure and massage day soon!!

Theresa Marie said...

hmmm so it's not just me who has days of feeling that way huh? When I have a day where I feel like that, I go out and get myself a treat - whether it's a quick run to starbucks or something from DQ drive through. Treat yourself, Jennisa... you're a terrific mother and you deserve it. Big Hugs!

Sarah said...

Oh sweet Jennisa! I know EXACTLY how you feel. Just try to remember that there will come a day, believe it or not, when you will long for your children to be young and needy again, a day when you will have more time for yourself and wish one of your pre-madonna teenage daughters would spend even just thirty minutes with you. I try to remember that, but believe me, I have many days when I feel EXACTLY as you've described. Here's a virtual hug coming your way!
Love, Sarah

Amy said...

Not too much to ask...and necessary! I feel that way so often. I think most moms do--it is just the nature of our work, don't you think? We don't get scheduled breaks or anything like that! I think it helps to have something for yourself scheduled each and every week. If it isn't scheduled, it doesn't happen...at least in my case! Hugs to you! love, Amy

Sara said...

First, you are not alone; that's obvious by the responses you have received.
I have learned that part of being a good mommy is taking care of yourself, dating your husband, and trusting that God can bring forth the perfect, trusting person to care for your children if even for only an hour so you can have that "time" you need. It took me almost 3 years before I did, and now I've been blessed with loving people who truly adore my children and make me feel like I can handle my days better and be the best mom I can be.
I'll pray for you to be refreshed.
P.S. check your mailbox this morning!!!(hee hee)

Kati said...

All us moms agree...I'm sure. Someone else mentioned that we're better moms when we take care of ourselves first! I think that is so true. Finding time to do things for us, helps us appreciate and love the things we get to do for our husbands and children!

Here's to finding a little bit of "you" today!

Sue said...

You are definitely not a horrible Mom. You're human. We all NEED those days or even just hours to be ourselves, be alone and do whatever... You can only be the best Mom you can be when you get to be a person too and take care of your needs.

I hope today was a better day for you.

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